Time Keeps on Slippin'...

I feel like time is speeding past me at an uncontrollable rate. Do you ever feel like, where the heck did all the time go? I do. On the daily, yo’. 

 

I like to blame this on my job that completes events anywhere from 2 days to 1 month in advance. But really, I think it’s because I’m getting old. I remember being little and just aching to turn 10 just so I could stay up a little later, then 13, then 16 so I could drive, 18 for no apparent reason, and 21 for obvious reasons etc. Now I’m a few years past that and I really don’t want to get any older.

 

I want to slooowww everything down. Soak up every minute. Stay 25 for as long as possible.

 

I’m already feeling the need to get the next aspect of my life going. Maybe get married again? Um to who, Kaysee? Have kiddos. I never wanted kids until recently. Now I really do. How about purchase a house?  Isn’t it a little early to be feeling this urge? I thought this happens around 30…ughh.

I suppose this is a little more personal than planned.

Let me put horses back into perspective. I know I said in my very first post that now that I’m older, my goals, dreams etc are more realistic. But hey, that doesn’t mean I don’t WANT to get to the grand prix level haha.

 

I guess I’m feeling a little low. I’m having these thoughts like, am I progressing quick enough? Will I ever be able to even afford my own horse, truck, trailer? Am I talented enough to even make a good jumper? Was my peak at age 16?  Are my big dreams unattainable?

I want to rush into the next phase of my riding. Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad S and I have been taking the re-riding process so slow and really concentrating on stamina, muscle regrowth etc. But as the jumps in the ring get lowered to cross rails, or we don’t jump at all, I feel weird. Like I need to be doing the 3’6ft hunters NOW. And the 1.30m next year – haha.

 

This probably sounds a little whiney. Sometimes a gal just needs a pick-me-up. I need to know I’m okay and my life is not ‘behind’ in a sense. Do I really need a firm timeline? Probably not. I can do everything at my own pace, right?

I want Vinny and I to stay the same ages we are. But I want to be at a higher level of riding. I feel like it’s taking foreverrr to move up. I mean, in September I will have been back to riding for one year. Wahhhh.

I have decided to stop competing for the rest of the year. Except for finals, of course. I feel that, until we’re at a higher level, competing is a waste of time. Yeah it’s fun, but the $$$ is not worth it at this time. So, unless S needs me to show Vin in the Color Breeds, you won’t see me competing any time soon.

Also, I have picked up Sundays at the barn. Yes, I will be working there. We’ll see how it goes!